Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
