I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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