I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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