first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
