Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
