I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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