Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
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Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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