Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
