Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
