I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
