to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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