Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
