i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
