she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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