No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
