he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
