I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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