I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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