New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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