I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We're too hungover to prance.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
