I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I puked a lego.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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