Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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