He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
