Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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