I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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