i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
