Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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