I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
