my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
