that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
