Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
