my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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