we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
