he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
