I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
