Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
