i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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