Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
