just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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