Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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