just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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