Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
