The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
