i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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