she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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