he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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