btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
