just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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