Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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