you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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