I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
