Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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