just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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