You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
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