Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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