My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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