Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
