i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
