im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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