the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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