When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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