you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
