even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
