you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
