Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wanna go halves on a baby?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
