New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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