shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
