You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
