Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
