i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
