Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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