I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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