My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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