Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Boobs speak an international language.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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