At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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