i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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